"Wait"

Hi!

Lately you have seen my posts about Tom Hiddleston. You see, I know I will never meet him but he seems to be a wonderful non Christian.

One of the reasons I like him is because I know he'll never break my heart. Many guys I know don't think I'm attractive or smart. In my letter, I wrote about Fitzgerald, Regina Spektor, Midnight in Paris, Return to Cranford, and Tender is the Night, which many guys would have made fun for me.


It's a way to numb the reality that guys only think of me as a friend. I easily forget the pain guys have afflicted on me; to forget their thoughts on what they think of me.

I know you think of me as melodramatic but seeing my lady friends getting boyfriends right away without doing any work to get his attention, it hurts for me. I shouldn't be jealous because I don't want a boyfriend now. I just want to know that guys find me pretty and smart. I need encouragement from my guy friends

Yes, I am a piece of work.

I think about Tender is the Night and reading it, the one character Nicole is brought by her father to Switzerland because of her fear of men. However, her father failed her. After her mother died, they use to hold hands, sleep in the same (my dad doesn't do this! I promise!) and were called "lovers" then, he wanted to leave her as soon as possible at the clinic.

As for me, I do have a little fear of guys. My dad has been a wonderful fatherly figure and I don't need to marry someone like my dad. But I am afraid that there is no one out there for me. No one interested in me now. It's like I am a wallflower. I refuse to marry a guy who is controlling, mean or a liar so I might be single all my life.

I know God has a purpose for my life, but I have asked Him if I am ever getting married or staying single, all He says is "Wait" but wait for what?! All I hear is "Wait"

So, I wait for what He has planned for my life. I know He cares for me and even if I am in my abyss of self pity and pain, I know if I turn to Him, He gives me comfort and strength.

I worked five hours last night, which went well, but tonight I work 3-11, teaching a new girl for two hours by myself. It scares me to death!

Then I work 9-5 tomorrow and then 9-3 Sunday! (crazy weekend!)

Bye! Faith