Bruised. I'm bruised.
Not physically, but emotionally bruised. My ego hurts. A lot. Last night I was talking to a friend who said I was desperate to find a boyfriend....I don't know. This whole dating things scares me and sickens me to death. I wish I had the security of knowing there was a guy who really liked me. For me.
People tell me all time in perfect timing, perfect guy, soul mates, and destiny, but I say none of those are true. I hate the fact there are so many games in the idea of dating....maybe I shouldn't date. Ever. Maybe God doesn't want me to date (even though it's making me cry) I have to trust Him. I see people left and right meeting their future spouses, and yes it's not perfect, but at least they have one!
Sigh....I shouldn't complain; I'm blessed with a wonderful Savior who is only one of few who likes me for me...His love never fails. My family even though we fight still love me. Friends who like me for me. I just am going to shut off any guy who wants to date me right. I'm in anti-dating mode. Tomorrow, I'm going to go see Voyage of the dawn treader, but it's with a girl, not a guy! I will refuse to date for a very long time. If God doesn't want me to date, I won't. Only if I knew what wanted me to do. But I must believe. I must have faith (not me, the Latin word for trust)
I keep thinking about 1st Corinthians 13 and Brandon Heath's song "Love never fails"
"Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you..."
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