It's a true. I met this awesome IT major last term and we clicked. We hung once before this term, so
I asked him if we could have a non date, however, he asked if we could go to Duke's. I thought, "oh it's a whole in a wall" so I looked it up.
It's nice a restaurant right on the riverfront. We got to see the city late at night. I had apple pie in a mug. It was awesome.
Anyway, we were kicked out by 9 (just they were closing the part we were in) then we went to Dunkin Donuts, where he had two donuts and I had a Dark Chocolate Mocha Latte.
Anyway, we were out from 7-11. We talked about everything and he's pretty much everything I want in a guy.
Just imagine Sheldon with better people skills, a Christian, and a sense of humor. Yep, that's Nate.
However, it wasn't a hollywood date. He didn't pay for my part of the bill, he paid for my latte with gift cards he had gotten for Christmas, he didn't hug or kiss me, we never held hands. He opened doors for me, but he'd do it for any girl. He never made it clear that's he's 100% there (meaning interested in me).
We plan going out again, but I am freaking out. After breaking up with Josh three years ago, I decided my next relationship would be my last one. I don't want all the crap pre dating has to offer.
Today, I have been on/off about it. Since it was the crystal clear thing I wanted, I am scared. I am scared he only sees me as a friend and once a guy only sees as that, you're stuck there forever.
But I read something interesting in a Christian Romance Novel recently (yes, guilty pleasure, but I don't expect guys to be that ALL the time).
Anyway, it's about this midwife in the 1800's who has been through a lot. Her fiance was stolen by the British, her parents and grandmother are dead and the whole town is against her because she knows all their secrets. She meets this handsome, British indentured servant who pretty much falls in love with her.
However, I found this part interesting. Tabitha, always reaches out for something she knows she can never have like Dominick because it also helps her not to trust God anymore.
It hit me hard because I realized I have done that these past three years. I have met wonderful Christian guys but after awhile, I realize, they just don't feel the same way as me. However, I hoped and hoped and hoped that would change but it never did. Then I go through a fighting period with the LORD.
It's pride; I love to be affirmed. Nate didn't do that though. I don't expect him to though. I wouldn't mind if he was a little more clear if he just wants to be friends or more, because again, it's pride; I don't want my ego to get hurt again.
However, since following Boundless.org, they have been promoting this book called "The Sacred Search" by Gary Thomas. I read some of it already but he asked a question:
Why do you want to get married?
Wow, WHY DO I?! In Christian marriage, there's no option. Once you're married, there's no backing out (unless a spouse is abusive, then that's bad)
You might think I am desperate, but if you're in a relationship, aren't you desperate? If you're so content with your life, why are you in a relationship? If I should be content, then why aren't you?
So, I am going to fight my pride, work with my patience, and find a way to heal that scab that refuses to go away. The one where I feel no man will ever love me. I know with perfect faith, a man friend won't appear out of nowhere, but I know I will have MORE peace in my heart.
Gary Thomas used this verse a lot: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."-Matthew 6:33. I usually hate over quoted verses, but I know if I trust the LORD, he won't give me the blessings I want, but He will help me and be there for me at all times. There's a reason it's over quoted; it gives hope and love.
So, whether or not Nate and I will be an item ever
or just be good friends, only the LORD knows that. I don't believe God is our
matchmaker but He knows EVERYTHING.
Anyway, I am blessed and I am sooo excited for the
superbowl because I get to hang out with people who love me for ME!
My Momma says even though it will drive me crazy, she says I need to take Nate and my relationship step by step.
It will be hard but God is there with me. He watches me and catches every tear I cry and laughs with me when I am joyful. I just hope I can have a Christ oriented marriage when that time comes.
Because marriage, is a lifelong serious commitment. It doesn't end after the reception. It's just the beginning!
But if God controls the wild seas, He can help my wild sea-ish heart!
Anyway, I should be off to bed!
Night
-Faith!
PS: Book(s) mentioned: The Sacred Search, The Lady in the Mist
Music mentioned: Waking Up by One Republic.
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