The Sacred Search and Waking Up

I went on a date last night.

It's a true. I met this awesome IT major last term and we clicked. We hung once before this term, so
I asked him if we could have a non date, however, he asked if we could go to Duke's. I thought, "oh it's a whole in a wall" so I looked it up.

It's nice a restaurant right on the riverfront. We got to see the city late at night. I had apple pie in a mug. It was awesome. 

Anyway, we were kicked out by 9 (just they were closing the part we were in) then we went to Dunkin Donuts, where he had two donuts and I had a Dark Chocolate Mocha Latte.

Anyway, we were out from 7-11. We talked about everything and he's pretty much everything I want in a guy.

Just imagine Sheldon with better people skills, a Christian, and a sense of humor. Yep, that's Nate. 

However, it wasn't a hollywood date. He didn't pay for my part of the bill, he paid for my latte with gift cards he had gotten for Christmas, he didn't hug or kiss me, we never held hands. He opened doors for me, but he'd do it for any girl. He never made it clear that's he's 100% there (meaning interested in me). 

We plan going out again, but I am freaking out. After breaking up with Josh three years ago, I decided my next relationship would be my last one. I don't want all the crap pre dating has to offer. 

Today, I have been on/off about it. Since it was the crystal clear thing I wanted, I am scared. I am scared he only sees me as a friend and once a guy only sees as that, you're stuck there forever. 

But I read something interesting in a Christian Romance Novel recently (yes, guilty pleasure, but I don't expect guys to be that ALL the time).

Anyway, it's about this midwife in the 1800's who has been through a lot. Her fiance was stolen by the British, her parents and grandmother are dead and the whole town is against her because she knows all their secrets. She meets this handsome, British indentured servant who pretty much falls in love with her.

However, I found this part interesting. Tabitha, always reaches out for something she knows she can never have like Dominick because it also helps her not to trust God anymore.  

It hit me hard because I realized I have done that these past three years. I have met wonderful Christian guys but after awhile, I realize, they just don't feel the same way as me. However, I hoped and hoped and hoped that would change but it never did. Then I go through a fighting period with the LORD.

It's pride; I love to be affirmed. Nate didn't do that though. I don't expect him to though. I wouldn't mind if he was a little more clear if he just wants to be friends or more, because again, it's pride; I don't want my ego to get hurt again.

However, since following Boundless.org, they have been promoting this book called "The Sacred Search" by Gary Thomas. I read some of it already but he asked a question:

Why do you want to get married? 

Wow, WHY DO I?! In Christian marriage, there's no option. Once you're married, there's no backing out (unless a spouse is abusive, then that's bad) 

You might think I am desperate, but if you're in a relationship, aren't you desperate? If you're so content with your life, why are you in a relationship? If I should be content, then why aren't you? 

So, I am going to fight my pride, work with my patience, and find a way to heal that scab that refuses to go away. The one where I feel no man will ever love me. I know with perfect faith, a man friend won't appear out of nowhere, but I know I will have MORE peace in my heart. 

Gary Thomas used this verse a lot: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."-Matthew 6:33. I usually hate over quoted verses, but I know if I trust the LORD, he won't give me the blessings I want, but He will help me and be there for me at all times. There's a reason it's over quoted;  it gives hope and love.

So, whether or not Nate and I will be an item ever or just be good friends, only the LORD knows that. I don't believe God is our matchmaker but He knows EVERYTHING. 

Anyway, I am blessed and I am sooo excited for the superbowl because I get to hang out with people who love me for ME!

My Momma says even though it will drive me crazy, she says I need to take Nate and my relationship step by step. 

It will be hard but God is there with me. He watches me and catches every tear I cry and laughs with me when I am joyful. I just hope I can have a Christ oriented marriage when that time comes.

Because marriage, is a lifelong serious commitment. It doesn't end after the reception. It's just the beginning!

But if God controls the wild seas, He can help my wild sea-ish heart!

Anyway, I should be off to bed!

Night

-Faith!

PS: Book(s) mentioned: The Sacred Search, The Lady in the Mist

Music mentioned: Waking Up by One Republic. 

Come Clean.....

Hi!

Well, I go to work soon. I work with a co-worker who is okay. What I don't like that she disappears for hours on end and when she did it in the beginning (when I started to work there) I went crazy!

Anyway, I am excited that I am learning how to cook but I want to even try something newer. I do not know what but I want to. I love reading books, and want to write more stories but just cannot do it. However, I am given the opportunity to write a paper in world mythology and it can be on your own myth so I know I want to write.

I am excited because I cannot wait to reveal the symbolism behind it. I came up with it recently so hopefully my professor likes it!

I had a weird dream last night: The first one was with an old crush who was making a fancy dinner for three couples; one included his brother and sister in law, not sure what the other couple was, and he was stressing out like crazy. I asked where his date was, and he said he didn't have a date, then it ended there.

Then my second dream was Downton Themed: Matthew and Mary divorced, Matthew marries Daisy, and Mary marries Tom. It was strange!

I wish my one old crush would come clean; I know someone suggested I make up my own closure but I would like to know why he refused to date me. I know it wasn't because his family; his family likes me a lot!

I had this whole life planned where we'd go to prom, then starting after that. Maybe, we might have been engaged at this point, but anyway, he's off to Australia for a whole year and as long as I don't do anything with CEF, I will probably never see him again :( or anyone for that matter.

I am hoping to help out at the camps sometime during the summer. I am hoping to get some community services hours in. I need 25 for the associates and usually 50 for the bachelor's but I am going to see if the 25 can carry over but I highly doubt it.

There's really not a lot of volunteer opportunities in the area. I go to a small church, and CEF has been my place to volunteer. I am hoping to get more involved again but I am looking around for other places too. I hope to help out at a pregnancy center too.

I think what bothers me about relationship advice is basically when people tell you it doesn't complete you or you won't find complete happiness, then why is one still in that relationship? I know relationships aren't perfect but if you are saying "it's not as good as it sounds" then why are you one as well?

Anyway, I read this interesting article on Boundless.org. It was about how guys are actually ready for marriage, but they just don't jump in so easily as ladies do. There is an on/off switch when it comes to marriage; guys almost have to see the big picture whereas girls see the potential where that big picture comes from.

So, I guess I won't be getting married because most guys put me in the friends category almost as soon as they meet me. There is one guy who has been staring at me for three months at school during lunch and I am going to ask him a bold question so he will stop it. My friend says we could get married but a Christian wouldn't be so bold as he has been. The cafe two sides: one side is quieter and one side is louder; you know which side I sit in, lolz

Anyway, he sometimes would sit next to the window and my roommates noticed it. Why he won't talk to me is weird. Someone said I might have a "brainy" aura, but hopefully he will stop it because even though he's tall, dark, and handsome, I know he's not a Christian.

NO, I will not meet my future spouse at the retreat either! I am determined NOT to!

Okay, off to work!

Faith.

Counting Stars and Smashing Doors....

Hi!

Wow, I have been busy!

Between work and school, I hardly had any time to do anything fun. Well, that's a lie;

I have to LOFT, go out for Chinese food with two guy friends, and went to Five Guys with two lady friends.

My social life has really picked up since the beginning of the term. I have been hanging out less and less with my roommates, sometimes maybe seeing them once or twice a week compared to four days a week.

Now, my roommate has moved out and new one has moved, my old roommate does not live with me. I like C and E but we have nothing in common. With my other friends, we can talk about movies, books, and current events. With them, it's all about how school sucks, the PTA program sucks, and everything about school sucks.

However, they are highly offended I don't eat lunch with them anymore. Honestly, they were great last term but there were times I could not say anything or one would blow up on me. There were other times, I was completely ignored.

That kind of inspired to talk to my one friend Heidi. I saw she was reading, and it took every fiber in my body to say something, but it was all worth it.

School is going well. My two legal classes are good. Administrative Law is kind of boring but she's nice. The other plus is people don't talk or text during class. It's refreshing.

Then I have criminal procedures. I like the professors and a lot of the students are serious but some, just surprise and drive me crazy! When one girl went out of class for a half an hour, she asked for the person in front of her, for her notes!

Then my two gen eds: World Mythology and Great American Novels. I thought the latter would be sooo hard with five novels however it's been the complete opposite: it's an online class so we post two different posts twice a week, take a 3 question quiz, and write a 2-3 paragraph on something he asks. We also have only one term paper! It's amazing!

World Mythology, however, he's crazy! His points add up to 805, makes us read two to three stories a week, answer each question (which can be 3-5 depending on the story) do four discussion posts online, then write mini essays every week!

I did one on creation, now I am doing one on Nacirema (look at it backwards!) Thankfully, it's only two pages long.

What else? LOFT is great! I do miss the old LOFT though; those were the days and now, some people have left, gotten new jobs, boy/girlfriends and the new people are younger, so they like hanging out with each other.

But I am excited for the retreat though! I cannot wait to spend time with the crew and meet another group of young adults!

Work is okay. The joy of working has been sucked out of me since going back to school and I want to do something new. Something exciting.

I am excited though; I am getting my associates in paralegal and bachelor's in legal studies so I am looking forward to two internships :).

I thought of becoming a bus tour guide after retirement (I know, long time away but something to think about) so I might become a student ambassador to give tours.

It's pretty late. I worked 5-8, I work 3-6, and 3-8. Like I said, it's okay, just not the same.

Before I forget: I started reading Harry Potter and it's awesome but not as good as Jane Austen. Who can beat her?!

-Faith.

PS. Song title by One Republic and a guy tried to punch a door at my school because they wouldn't make him breakfast. Oy :)

Les Mis

hey!

I saw Les Miserables with Stef and it was amazing!

Just an amazing movie, with amazing acting and singing!

I loved the one character named Eponine. I don't know, I should love Cosette, but somehow, I like Eponine better. I did read most people do anyway.

Eponine seems to have a personality and seems to be braved, whereas, Cosette seems to lack it. However, this is the musical version, not the book.

But it was a great movie! I really enjoyed spending time Stef. Downside of being a grownup is not being able to spend time with friends.


Well, school is six days away! Break was a kind of fast and slow break. I have had break go faster than mine! But hey, I got to see some great people on my break ;)

Tomorrow, hopefully I go and see my friend Elizabeth and eat at Olive Garden!

Faith.