Trying These Adult Things....

wellll....!

Hey!

Trying to be an adult is a hard balance.

I realize in a year, I will be out of the nest. Officially.

Soon, I have my own bills, my own place, and my own complete.

True, I live on campus, do my own chores, pay my own bills, pay car stuff, and all that jazz.

But I don't truly know how to be my own person.

I have always been labeled. But in the last couple of years, I have been only known as "Faith."

Anyway, I told my parents about my drinking experience back in June.

They freaked. But they were more mad at Beth.

Why? Well, they think since she's 20 years older, she should have known better with my meds.

But yeah, it was stupid but all my fault.

So, Rachel lectured me then but also telling my parents was dumb.

True, it was.

Anyway, she told me to stop being so emotional dependent from them.

Now, I have NO one. I have no idea to go to about advice.

Internships? I can go to my advisers. Volunteer stuff? Easy. Finding a church? Found one.

Finding apartments? Completely lost. Finding a job? Iffy.

I don't know. I'm just frustrated because Nate & Dave are being aholes (pardon my French) by correcting everything I say.

They keep telling me they are trying to teach me to become a "critical thinker" but all they are doing is crushing my ego and raising my blood pressure. Making me more lonely.

I'm so scared. Out of all the women in my family (mom, Rach, and me) I am the weakest.

Mom, at 19, moved out because her family was evil (kept money from her for college, sold all her stuff) didn't want to get married till 26. Married at 29.

Rachel, wanted to get her PH.D. Started dating Stephen at 19. Married at 22. Might go to grad school.

Yes, I am desperate, but because people are not there. My friends are soo far away from me. All my Mom does is criticize me, Dave & Nate, make me feel like I'm on egg shells. I can't find any girl on campus to be with me.

So, yes, the career stuff is working out.....but my personal life sucks right now.

Yet, in all this crazy mess, I am blessed. My persona life might suck but the LORD is still with me.

I know He's still in control. You might think I'm crazy but I believe it.

I can't wait to get away from Nate & Dave. I think I will need to. I can't be around people who made me feel like I was on egg shells.

Remember CEF?

So, I am leaving them behind.  I will talk to them. In a calm like manner. I won't get hysterical because I won't get be taken seriously.

Will I become a critical thinker? I don't know and at this point, I don't care.

Nate is treating me like a computer. If a part is acting up or acting funny, he probably tries to fix it. He probably thinks he could get two wires of my brain together like he does with computers.

Yeah, his Sheldon is coming out again. I thought he wasn't. But he is.

So, I'm like a China Doll right now but hopefully, the LORD will be able to keep the pieces together.

No more third wheel. No more crap.

Working tomorrow, spending time with Janelle on Sunday, and working Labor Day Monday.

So, goodnight.

Faith.

A Late Night Inspiration....

A question was raised on Facebook.....

well, from boundless.org anyway:

Agree or Disagree: I have felt embarrassed to admit I want to get married.


I agreed.

Why? Everyone acts if you want to get married, especially if you're a female, that you're not content with your life or desperate or you're not cool with Jesus.

This is not a rant but something I have seen and experienced.

But I don't understand.

God made us. He also made love. What is shameful to love? What is so shameful to have a desire to get married?

If you go back to Genesis, God created marriage right away. He didn't have to. He could have made them friends and they could have been platonic but God designed marriage to beautiful.

Marriage is a beautiful especially when Christ-Centered. I love hearing love stories. I love hearing how one person felt for the other one.

My favorite has to be Darren and Grace's. They knew each other for four years and I think he liked her a lot just was quiet about it.

It's amazing how they knew each other for so long, but now, their love story and marriage has been an inspiration for me because it shows how God works things out for our good.

Will I be married one day? 100% of people have said yes. Most people think I'm married (don't understand that, I don't wear any rings; it's kind of funny at work though)

So, sometimes I think "yes I will be!" other times I'm all like "No, no guy likes a quiet girl." or "I'm never getting married!"

But even Nate knows it will one day work out. When I first met him, I thought he was a machine but he is a man with emotions and sometimes...wisdom. It's kind of freaky.

But yeah, this is not a rant. But a post full of hope, love, faith, peace, and one day, patience.

So, I know whether God calls me to be a housefrau or a single woman who can devote more time to other things, I know His plans are fantastic!

Hopefully though, a little fear of mine is lack of friends. I hope to at least have some friends to hang out with even when they're all married and have kids. I hope to spoil their kids a lot!

I can't wait till I have real nieces and nephews to spoil and travel the world with.

So, God is the greatest dude in my life. Then comes Jesus, my Dad, and Stephen.

So, I'm hoping to keep God, Jesus, and my future whoever in that order!

I pray that I am content during this season. I want God use me in ways to glorify Him now!

So you're single, don't be ashamed. God created you to love and love freely! Just don't be like the crazy stalker people because that's not real love. That's crazy, lol.

On another note, I am going to Carlisle Church and hang out with the crew. I'm excited to see the church since they have a new sanctuary (looks like a movie theater!) and finish some homework. I highly doubt I will hang out with the gang too long especially since some of the ladies won't be there.

Only a couple more weeks and I will be done with the summer term! Excited beyond all measure!

Hang out with friends, work some more, and some roadtrips, oh yeah!

Goodnight. Faith.

is it break yet....?

hey!

Sorry, just had a rough day.

Really rough day.

Things are kind of not working in my favor.

In a way they are; my job is great and my professors are great and I like my classes, it's just people.

People.

WHY?!

I'm not going to say "I don't have any friends" I'm just going to say "I miss them like crazay because the people at my school (not all) suck!"

Even Dave is on the suck level.

Lately, in my sadish/reflective/philosophic moods, I ask myself something: Why do we have friends?

Honestly, think about it. Friends, they're easy to make, but easy to brake.

All a friend has to do is exclude from an event or spend 100% with their boyfriend and you're not friends anymore.

Now, my good friends, have been pretty good but seriously, dropping me because of your boyfriend sucks.

I mean, being content single, is especially hard when the people around you don't hang out with you or with their boyfriends!

That is why I think single people want a boy/girlfriend.

Because, then they won't be lonely, right?

Well, some people say yes, others say no.

I honestly don't want a boyfriend but I wanted one for the longest time because I was lonely.

I know he will have his own friends and his own life, but sometimes, I don't have anyone talk to.

The only people I talk to about stuff are through here, FB or text.

But I miss the one on one, let's hang out and chill thing.

Nate and Dave are great but I realize I'm kind of the third wheel. They have a tight bromance.

Avril is great but she is harassed by people constantly and I really don't talk to her about serious.

So, yes, I need human contact.

I need it.

I need to be told, it's okay, Jesus loves me, and that they (my friend) likes/loves me too.

But I feel most of my friendships are slowly falling apart, crumbling under a weak foundation.

When you meet someone, especially in the friend role, you connect instantly, start doing stuff together, and plan together.

But I don't have any of that at school. I do stuff with Dave & Nate but I realize, as guys, they probably won't miss me.

Am I going to stop eating lunch with them? Probably. Mostly because I feel too sad to sit there, feeling neglected.

Goodness, in this moment, I wish I was a guy.

Idk but guys seem more content. Sometimes, Dave & Nate just play video games and watch movies or things on youtube and they're fine.

Why can't I?

I think I am having a identity crisis.

I know my identity is in Christ, I do, but yet, I feel lost in the shuffle everywhere else.

Now, I feel like because I'm at school, I feel like I'm losing friends and I'm not gaining any.

I'm staying down this weekend and I'm thankful for the Carlisle church because they're are some great people.

I think my problem is I depend on people too much to make me happy that when they do something, I explode.

Idk, doing college, working, and trying to figure out where I will live is bullcrap.

I just know that I'm scared. That I need to talk to God more. Stop depending on people for my happiness. Only depend on Jesus.

So, what else?

It's nuts. My co-mediator partner is still giving me a hard time. I think that's what adding to the stress. Because, we got along great till this term, now she is really snooty. Just to people in general.

I like the older students in my department. The people my age suck.

Anyway, maybe I am an old lady stuck in a young body?

So, sorry for the rant!

I realize I need Jesus's friendship more than I do from people from my school.

Okay, I am tired. Again, sorry!

Faith.

Music and all that Jazz....

hey ya'll!

Well, school has been good.

I know it's only Tuesday but due to the fact my crim law professor is taking his other class to Eastern State Pen, we will not have class and I already finished the assignment.



So, I only have Legal Com and ADR. Then I will study for Civil Lit and Legal Research. Not much for this week in ADR. Just a video and a discussion board.


What else?

Well, I've been thinking about music.

Most of the music people love back in the Skook is COUNTRY!

Then come to my school where most people are from Philly, NYC, or NJ, they love RAP!

Then you meet my more conservative friends and they only listen to CHRISTIAN!

Then there's me; I listen to everything.

What I don't understand is why people are sooo bothered by classical?

So what if it doesn't have lyrics?

Think about what the pop lyrics are about: one night stands, sex in general breakups, fights, and lost long love.

Sorry Country Lovin' peoples but what I hear on the country channel at work is depressing love songs. On the radio, it's....well, that and some risky stuff....pushing the limits, lolz.

Then Rap is about people each other up, having sex with each other, drugs, and how the world is a terrible place.

With classical music, Piano Guys, Lindsey Stirling, and that genre in general, the music speaks. No sad words, no obsession with love and/or sex.

I find it relaxing and I'm able to escape from the real world.

Plus, it doesn't help that

1. Radio OVERPLAYS (even Christian Radio is guilty) everything!
2. People blast music and sing loudly curse words, sex, or offensive stuff while walking away. BTW, not always the best singers either.

I try not to judge people about their music but goodness, why get sooo weird about classical?!

Remember, that was the ONLY thing people listen to at one time.

Even in the Christian realm, hymns are sometimes soo beautiful but modern churches are dumb and exclude them. So, powerful, and biblical.

God creates everyone and of course, some love classical and others love Country.

As long as people aren't hatin' (yes on purpose!) on Classical, I'm good.

In other news, Byron is staying again!

If they are not dating and not sleeping with each other, then WHY?

I mean, neither Nate or Dave have come to my room. Nate would rather be hurt in the really sensitive area of his body than stand in my room.

So, I don't get it but yet, I don't get Byron. Honestly, for a Christian guy, he actually drives me nuts!

I know he is a young Christian but man, do I want to punch him where it hurt with some of the things he says (surprisedly, he's not rude or crude, if he's not at work-study or class, he's HERE) and when they're here, they don't even talk, they watch TV.

So, yeah. Avril is great, but I already asked her to ask him to stop staying soo many nights.

Oy, but he's going to Croatia so I'm happy he will be gone for two and a half months.

Night ya'll!

Faith.

Job History....

hi ya'll!

It's been awhile since I've posted but Stef posted in her blog about her current and she asked, what did we do if we hated our jobs?

Then last night I thought of all the jobs I had:

1. Dishewasher. Green's.

From Jan 2008 till Oct 2009 I worked as a Dishwasher at a local restaurant. It was my first job and by summer 2008, I had gotten my first laptop. It is very close to my house and for the most part, it was great.

Some downs were a good looking co-worker trying to sleep with me (never happened lol) and the fact of how you were promoted there. In August 2008, I was supposed to get the Hostess position. I even practiced. However, a girl got it before.

Co-workers were shocked. Especially the girl my boss hired. She was not nice and I wait on her at my current job and she does not like me. She won't even say hi. She was rude, obnoxious, and weirdly, angry.

So for a year, things were fine. But my boss just yelled at me, screaming. I don't even remember all the details. It's fuzzy. I quit my job.

I didn't go there for a year and when the first time I came back, things seemed to be back to normal and since then, I get along with my co-workers.

Mother's Day was the worst but thankfully, I survived.

2. Package Handler. UPS.

I was worried to find a job. I prayed and I looked. Two weeks after quitting, I saw an opening for UPS. I went to the interview but he told me being in school would not fit the hours.

An hour later, I get a phone call him telling me that they had a warehouse opening for the holiday season.

Two days later, I came and trained. I handled lots of packages and worked at the store. It was crazy but paid well. It was day by day schedule but it was a blessing to work there.

The HR dude, was actually a part time Pastor and knew I was quiet. Yeah, I get that a lot.

So, they didn't keep me on, but I was okay with that. Too busy for my liking.

3. CEF.

As you have all read my CEF posts, there were good times, and there were bad times.

Two months after UPS, I interviewed for the position for CEF and was accepted. As a summer missionary, I was reaching kids!

Even though I have complained about CEF, it is a great place because kids learn about the LORD. Sometimes, though, people in ministry can become legalistic in any place.

But if bosses weren't emotional and yell at you, like at any job, it probably would have been a lot better.  Directors need to take a course in professionalism.

I do have some scars from the place but when I worked with them again at the church in H-burg, it was all good.


4. Bon-Ton. Sales Associate.

After a somewhat bad summer with CEF, I went looking again. In October of 2011, I started to work for Bon-Ton.

Out of all the places I wish they would have kept me, I wish it was Bon-Ton!

Bosses were soo nice, customers were good and associates were nice. After knowing co-workers from CEF too well, it was nice to work in an environment where it was more professional.

The ladies were nice to work with too. Sadly, they didn't keep me. But going to school in the next year, I knew I would have quit sooner or later.

5. Kohl's. Sales Associate.

So, for another two months, I was without a job.

Looking again, I went to Kohl's because they were opening a new store.

I remember going to the job fair in January 2012 and didn't even schedule an interview.

I sat down and started filling out the application when all of sudden I heard my name called.

A month later, I got the call.

Though it was nice in the beginning working all those hours, claws started to come out and it was bad.

Finally, my next job needed people. I resigned from Kohl's. The boss was nice; he asked if I wanted to come in once a night but I told thank you but no.

6. Current job. Turkey Hill. Sales Associate.

Days of quitting Kohl's, I started Turkey Hill. From July 2012 till October 2012 I worked 29 hours a week.

Since then, I worked mostly weekends and on breaks, 29 hours a week.

It has its ups and downs like any job but I have great customers, a moody (but I'm use to it by now) good co-workers and I don't have to use lots of gas!

So, it has been a blessing to work there.

After Turkey Hill, of course, I hope to work as a paralegal.

So you wonder, with all those jobs, how did I handle cranky co-workers, bosses, and customers?!

At times it was hard but I did many things: pray, read my bible, and of course, remind myself Jesus loves them.

It sounds easy but it can be hard. CEF and Kohl's made me cry the most, while Bon-Ton and Turkey Hill I only cried one time at both.

Customer service is hard. You try to explain to customers what to do and they refuse. They tell you one and change their minds. They get mad when I ask for ID and throw their ID's at me. They can annoy the heck out of me.

But I am thankful for the job. I worked 17 hours this past weekend and because I don't use gas for work, it has been a blessing to help me out.

Will I miss TH when I leave? Somethings, not all (especially those pumps!)

So, I know Stef and Janelle are not at the jobs they want to be, and I hope & pray they can jobs that are better for them. It'll also be nice to see Stef more often too!

Anyway, on another note, I'm in week 7 of school. Only four more weeks and I will be done for the summer term!

Oh Good Golly Miss Molly!

Faith.

What I wanted to call this post.....

hi!

It was an okay day with Grandma. We had to hang out with her for her birthday.

We went to kind of a sucky Italian place where I hardly ate of the food.

Then we went to a place called Premise Maid which is a big tourist trap.

Thankfully today, I got a Berry Coolatta from Dunkin and a good yummy Chicken Salad Sandwich from Wawa.

Anyway, the only thing was my sister lecturing me on getting a tattoo but good otherwise.

I should be heading to bed. Got get up for the uniform drive and head back to school.

Okay, goodnight!

Faith.

P.S. The only hint is that it would have been a depressing song title.

Rats In Aquafina.....

hi!

Well, I have been busy again. I helped out with the church in Harrisburg with the uniform drive.

I plan on shopping with Beth on Monday to help again with the uniform drive.

Thanks to helping out with the church, I feel like I have purpose again.

With the weeks usually being school & work, sometimes fun and sometimes friends, I felt empty.....

I know my walk with the LORD hasn't been the strongest. But with all the stuff that has happened in my life, it is hard to find a home and I'm talking about a church.

The best church is in Carlisle but due to the fact I have work on Sundays, I can't go.

I'm hoping to go in September. I will have two weekends so I hope I can attend then.

I realize helping out others, going to school, working, and even having a boyfriend won't heal the broken bits that are still in my heart.

I have been emotionally wounded and I'm honestly scared that a guy will never bother with me, especially with my high school behavior. Karma sucks.

I never did anything wrong. I just followed my heart too much. I never did anything bad with guys.

Just in the Christian world, a woman can't follow her heart. It's always about the man's heart.

Sorry, church, you've been hurting ladies too long!

I hope to help out ladies who have been hurt by the purity movement.

There are soooo many wonderful Godly women in this world that guys seem dumb not to notice her!

So, I'm not throwing a pity me party! I want women to realize how wonderfully God created them and how guys are just plain stupid!

I realize I will be a late bloomer with love. I've never been in love and I'm afraid to fall in love. My Mama always said "never love something that doesn't love you back"

I just wish Jake saw the high school graduate and in college me.

Does he realize how I've changed?! But he refuses to get to know me.

I know, you're all telling to let go, but sadly, that is my downfall: not letting things go.

But one question is still bugging why: when I went to my first EEG for my seizure in '09, Jake woke up with his Mom at 5am to pray for me!

None of my girlfriends did at the time! None of the people from my church, yet, he did!

So, why?!

Anyway, that will ever be a question never answered.

I'm realizing God is using me to help out in the bad part of Harrisburg! I know it was nerve racking at first, since it is dangerous but I know God protects!

I just wish He'd get rid of this dark cloud that seems to hover and the bright neon sign that says: "Don't date her!"

Though my housefrau skills sucks and at this point, I don't want to have any children biologically. Helping out in Harrisburg has made me realized that there are sooo many children without loving parents and I hope to adopt one of those kids even though I am not the strongest person on the planet. If all they ever remember me about is me teaching them about God's love, then I will be thankful!

I'm hoping to get a Spanish-English Bible that will help me to learn more Spanish!

Thanks for putting up with me and just keep praying I have the strength and calmness to carry on!

Oh, yeah about the title post, my crazy co-worker believes Aquafina puts rats in their water.

It might explain some customer's and people in Harrisburg's behavior, lol j/k!

Thank you all sooo much!

Love, Faith.

old friends create old crap, current friends are awesome, and new friends create new adventures....

hi ya'll!

I have been busy busy busy!

I have been doing lots of school, getting ready for next term and internships, working on the weekends, but having fun too!

Last Sunday, I worked 7-1 and saw Despicable Me 2 with Janelle and Jason. Such a funny movie and they're coming out with a minion spin off movie next year!

 I slept over at Janelle's and woke up  at 4:30 Monday morning because of OCNJ!

We got stuck on PA Turnpike for four hours thanks to a five car crash but we parked the truck and the van made Channel 6 Philly news!

Then finally, after 7 hours, we made it to the beach.

We had fun. We were almost killed by seagulls, ate huge slices of pizza and walked on the boardwalk. I like both OCNJ and OCMD a lot.

OCNJ had less drama than MD but I still had fun.

Then Tuesday, I became a Public Notary. After months of paperwork and getting materials, I am now done!

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I helped out with a club in Harrisburg in what is considered the worst part of the city.

Thanks to my new phone with a GPS, I was able to drive there okay.

The kids were great but their home lives broke my heart :(.

I was able to work with my former boss Shelley and we got along.

We ate yummy Mexican food and I even  had a bit of cow tongue!

As for Sunday when things were dwindling down,  I found out something:

Remember Jake? Well, I found he refuses to hang out with me because the way I acted two-three years ago.

I cared deeply about him. I won't go into details but he told his mom who told my friend Beth.

He wasn't being nice. He is a narcissist. He doesn't care about other people's feelings.

He once said a rocket scientist was smart than his (now) sister in law.

So, no boys till I'm 102. I realize I am not girlfriend material.

Though I thought and his family thinks my behavior was extreme, my family doesn't. His family is basically judging me for things like getting him a b-day when I was 17 and dropping it off his house. Then for his graduation present, I gave him a $25 or $50 gift card to Cabela's.

My sister thinks my behavior was one of a friend. I did apologize to him but my family wants me to stay away from Beth.

But I don't do that behavior anymore. With God's grace and love, I hope to get this black cloud gone and change my future behavior.

So, no boys, 100% school!

But I got the best news today: getting a good grade in Civil Lit. I got 45 out of 50 points for my intake memo.

Now waiting for Crim Law to start.

I am thankful for my friends Van, Stef, Janelle, Jason, Nate, and Dave who remind me of what great friends really mean.

I am thankful for the people I went to the beach with. No judgement and had a good time.

I am thankful for my family who loves me and think Jake's family is making this a bigger deal than it is.

I'm thankful for my God who cares about me and loves me even though I flirted a little too much and was a little stalkish.

When I love somebody, I kind of over keel it. I will calm it down though.

Okay, hopefully, you all have a good day today, and remember, old friends sometimes are the not friends you once thought they were but the current and new friends are always the best and the new adventures are waiting all of us!

Bye, Faith.